I'm sure you've heard or read this phrase before: you must first love yourself.
But what exactly does that imply? Is it about getting you a warm drink while you're cold? Is it all about obtaining you a new dress whenever you want? Is it the ability to do whatever you want, whenever you want? Is it simply putting on warm clothing while it's cold outside?
To love yourself, you must learn to treat yourself as a caring dad would treat his kid.
You still have an Inner Child when you're an adult, which I suppose you are. These are the feelings you have. At that age, you still act like a 3- to 4-year-old toddler. Emotions do not grow old or mature with time. You can, however, mature. You can learn how to treat them with respect and how to deal with them. You can learn to look after your Inner Child.
You try to live in an adult world as a 4-year-old boy or girl while you are unaware of your Inner Child. You're all alone, terrified of the big bad world outside, unsure of what to do, who to ask for help from, or how to protect yourself. This is a really difficult method to follow. You will constantly be anxious, fearful, unsure, and exhausted. It's difficult to try to exist as a youngster in an adult environment. You'll be angry, terrified, and lost the majority of the time.
What is the reason for this? Because no one looks after the Little Child inside of you.
Let's pretend you're Charlotte. You've reached the age of 42. Charlotte, the young girl, resides within you. She's four years old. When you're busy taking care of other people, running a business, moving around, and doing a thousand other things on a daily basis, Charlotte will feel ignored. You'll be fatigued every night and cry in your bed if you're continually running to serve others, making sure their needs are met. You will have rage tantrums from time to time. You'll be enraged for no apparent reason (but there is one, and it's a big one!).
All of these strong feelings are your Inner Child's attempts to grab your attention.
Imagine having a tiny four-year-old girl named Charlotte in addition to your children, husband, coworkers, parents, and friends. Nobody ever pays attention to her. Nobody looks after her. You scream "Shut up!" whenever she tries to say something to catch your attention. "I have to look after my parents, my job, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, and my house," you explain. I'm sorry, but I don't have time for you!"
What do you anticipate her reaction will be?
What do you believe she'll do, in your opinion? She'll try to catch your attention by displaying strong emotions at first. She will cry a lot, scream and shout a lot, and she may become aggressive at times. You may believe you're furious with the outer world, but your Inner Child is enraged with you! She's depressed and enraged because you don't give a damn about her! You act as if she isn't even there! Acting as if our Inner Child doesn't exist is the worst thing we can do. This entails acting as though WE do not exist.
Being unfaithful to oneself is the worst feeling in the world. It doesn't get any worse than this!
How many times have we ignored our feelings in order to impress someone else? How many times have we told our Inner Child, "Shut up, you're not important; the other one is far more important; go away; I don't want to hear you or see you"? Isn't it awful? And we do this every time we put the other person's wish ahead of our own.
What will this little Charlotte inside do? After a while, she'll give up. She will give up after a long struggle to express her feelings. She'll grow tired of it all and say, "It doesn't matter, she doesn't love me, she doesn't want to look after me, I'm not worth it," and she'll become unhappy.
Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents.
It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.
When things don't change after you've become despondent, there's only one weapon left to grab your attention: Charlotte will become ill. Or she'll be in a car accident. Perhaps in this way, Charlotte, as a grownup, will finally learn to pay attention to her Inner Child, who is as real (if not more so) as a genuine child of flesh and blood.
For yourself, you must learn how to be a loving parent.
What exactly does that imply?
You must first cultivate an Inner Mother. You can use your mother as an example if you were fortunate enough to have a loving and caring mother. Otherwise, you'll have to improvise in order to develop your Inner Mother, your feminine nurturing force. "What happened, my darling?" your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child every time you feel an emotion. Pay attention to what your Inner Child is saying. Then you continue with the conversation. "Come here," whispers the inner Mother. Come into my arms; I adore you just the way you are. I adore you for how you feel."
The intensity of your emotions will almost certainly decrease as a result of this. After that, you say, "I understand." These phrases are crucial because we often don't feel "normal" when we have the feelings we have, and we try to ignore or conceal them, which makes them heavier. "I understand, my dear; come here in the arms of your Mother; I adore you."
After some time with these thoughts and feelings, ask yourself, "What do you require?"
Whatever the Child says, you say, "We'll ask your Father about it."
The duty of your Inner Father, who is supposed to protect you and act on your behalf in the outside world, begins here. Would you send a four-year-old to work asking for a raise or attempting to resolve a disagreement at school or with neighbours? So, what motivates you to give it a shot? Send your Inner Father out into the world to take care of anything you need to do. Your Inner Father is the male energy within you that allows you to make decisions, take action, follow your inner direction (also known as intuition) and materialise your Inner Child's goals in the world.
Imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother, who takes care of his feelings ("I understand you're worried..."), while your Inner Father (another part of your existence) goes out to act when your Child has a need, such as calling someone or going somewhere to organise anything. Your Inner Father is the part of you that can deal with stress, take action, resolve disagreements, and deal with everything else that has to do with the outer world. You will have to construct and develop that part if it is missing since you did not have a suitable model when you were a child.
Your Inner Child, Mother, and Father are all, of course, aspects of you. It's all up to you. It's just a paradigm for figuring out what's going on inside of you and how to learn to accept yourself.
Listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, comprehending what he feels, and taking action in the desired direction are all examples of loving oneself. Every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you experience an emotion, loving yourself means having this conversation with yourself.
Building a strong inner connection with yourself is what loving yourself entails.
It's about developing your own loving family within yourself. You'll never feel lonely again. You're already three years old! It's referred to as your Trinity. From now on, everywhere you go, you'll be accompanied by your Inner Family. You're not by yourself. You are cherished and safeguarded. You pay attention to yourself and take care of that wonderful little Child who has been waiting for your attention and love for a long time.
This is the process of inner healing.
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